Alex on January 05 2016
2016 - year of the monkey. Which can only mean one thing -- real life planet of the apes. I had a thought during New Years Eve while staring at a giant decorative fountain, does anyone else think its fucking strange we build these giant things that shoot water in the air for no purpose but to look at water being shot upwards? I think when aliens descend upon us they're going to be really disappointed in our opulence. "What form of power generation is this?" "Oh that? It's just shooting water upwards." "...This planet sucks."
chris on December 29 2015
So there is a Dominican dude with Tourettes that hangs out on my block. He tends to yell DIABLO! at all hours of the night and punch things. He really has it out for the garbage can and phone booth on the corner of Broadway and Hooper Street. I'm no Doctor, but his Turrets seems to be exacerbated by alcohol consumption, and he drinks about twelve 24oz Crazy Stallion malt liquors a day... The Arizona big cans of malt liquor. This morning he was doing something rather worrisome. While sitting in pouring rain on a milk crate at the base of a street lamp, he had pulled the wires out from the electrical company access point at the base, and had spliced in a boom box. Using his bare hands, he was wrapping the wires around the prongs of the electrical cord, only taking breaks to yell DIABLO and chug his Crazy Stallion. I'm going to go check on him in a few hours to make sure he isn't sizzling in a pool of his own urine.
Alex on December 18 2015
The other day I was putting on clothes after getting out of the shower, I almost fell and hit my head on a stone corner... that's when a thought hit me with the world shattering weight of finding out Martin Shkreli was the sole-proprietor of the new Wu-Tang album, am I so old I need to worry about falling down? COME ON!!
chris on December 17 2015
If you have an umbrella and a rain jacket - these items are moot if your shoes are made out of tissue paper. This is my realization 10 steps out of my door while i'm far too late to turn back and correct my error. I literally said fuck it out loud. I'll just be absolutely miserable for the remainder of the day. Also, another realization... It should not be 60 degrees in New York in December and these raindrops should definitely be snow flakes.