Alex on November 22 2013
Today I found myself sitting pretty much alone on the New York City subway. My train stops at Union Square and from the corner of my eye I see what appear to be a walking laundry hamper board the train. A homeless gentleman shuffles on to the train, in tow were his 27 blankets carried as if he was a 3 year old - just mopping up every bit of filth the subway floor has to offer. Of course our homeless friend decided to sit right next to me. He sits and gathers up his blanket entourage into his lap. I somewhat politely cover my nose and prepare for the oncoming assault on my nasal passages. I pictured the worst - something along the lines of old moldy cheeseburgers soaked in piss on top of goat carcasses stored in the back of a 78 year old shed which hasn't been opened in the last 50. Time passes - I need to breath normally ASAP to avoid passing out. Now I know what you're thinking "WTF Alex? Just move seats." What you listeners don't know about me is the fact that I have serious bouts of masochism and was almost excited at the thought of how putrid this human being was going to smell and how much it was going to suck. I breathed in .. and I shit you listeners not .. this dude smelled like CEDAR AND MOTHER FUCKING LAVENDER. It was like a Febreze commercial. I took a deep breath and questioned every decision and thought I've made for the last 30 years.